listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Randomize
