she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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