.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
