i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize