Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
