just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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