yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
