i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
