hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize