it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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