I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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