Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize