Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
