Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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