If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
