Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
