Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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