he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
