i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
