i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
