What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
