I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
