who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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