Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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