Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
