I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
