dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
