If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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