I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
