Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
