Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize