3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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