Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
