Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize