My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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