Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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