my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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