I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize