I wanna passion pit in your ass
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Terrible idea I love it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
