i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
