??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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