let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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