I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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