I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
