this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
