Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
