Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
