I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
