Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
