Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
