Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
