Already got asked if we're dating
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
