Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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