Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
