..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
