I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
