I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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