Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
