my vag is so smooth its legendary
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
