he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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