Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
