She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
