it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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