Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
COCAINE IS GR8
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize