you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
