the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
