Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
