just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
