oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
