doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
