Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
