he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
