i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
