Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
