All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
