it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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