It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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