Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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