i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
