Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
