So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
