I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
