I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
