dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
