part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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