I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
