Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
