I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
