To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize